How can families make showering more comfortable for older adults?

I have written about this topic before because my grandmother refused to use a shower chair for almost two years. She clearly needed one but was reluctant because of what it would mean. Eventually a near fall brought her to her senses and she was relieved when she could sit down in the shower for the first time. It was as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she had been given a breath of air as she sat down in the water.

Home care guides tend to quickly move on from discussing grab bars, non-slip mats, etc. and on to a discussion of home care. But the way that you approach a discussion of bathroom safety with your aging parents and grandparents is as important as any piece of equipment that you decide to use. I think a lot about this moment with my grandmother.

Dignity first, equipment second

Most home care guides will immediately move on to talk about the necessary bathroom modifications. But the modifications, be it installing grab bars or non-slip mats, are a far smaller component of getting older parents or grandparents to accept them than the emotional preparation and discussion of actually using the modified bathroom.

Showering is generally a very private activity for most people. It is seen as a self-directed activity and is typically the only activity of daily living that a person completes alone. Therefore, for individuals who are experiencing difficulty completing showering, it can be a very threatening activity. It can make people feel that they are losing control and that they are no longer independent. This is why it is very important to attempt to enable people to complete safe showering within their own homes, without them feeling threatened or scared.

Of course, there are a large number of items that can be purchased and installed in a home to assist with bathroom safety, however before you start to purchase and install items in your home, it is very important to have a conversation with your aging family member about their bathroom and how their bathroom is affecting their ability to complete their daily personal hygiene in a safe and comfortable manner. They should be able to explain to you in as much detail as possible what is causing them the greatest amount of discomfort and/or fear. For example, perhaps your aging family member is afraid of falling down falling in the shower. In this case, installing grab bars and non-slip mats would be a good place to start. Perhaps your aging family member is having trouble reaching the temperature dial for the water. In this case, installing thermostatic mixer taps would be a better solution. Perhaps your aging family member is afraid of the shower itself. In this case, having a home care aide assist your aging family member with their showering and being very gentle with them and giving them as much time as they need would be a good place to start.

Getting the real conversation right is far more important than any good piece of equipment.

So what actually helps? (The practical stuff, finally)

In order to solve the problem of aging in place, you must first identify the core problems and focus on three things: stability, accessibility and reducing physical strain on the human body. This can be achieved by means of a vast array of solutions that can be easily and affordably implemented in an average home.

• Grab bars: Not the flimsy suction-cup kind that peel away from tiles at the worst possible moment. Properly installed bars bolted into wall studs. One near the entry, one near where they stand or sit. Without question, the single most effective safety change you can make in a bathroom.
• Non-slip flooring: Textured mats inside and outside the shower, or anti-slip strips if full tile replacement sounds like too much. Wet tiles are a liability. Full stop.
• A handheld showerhead: Chronically underestimated. A flexible hose lets someone direct the water without twisting, reaching, or teetering. Cheap to install, and the difference it makes is disproportionate to the effort involved.
• Good lighting: Bathrooms are weirdly, almost inexplicably dark for rooms where people routinely navigate wet surfaces in the middle of the night. Brighter bulbs, or a simple nightlight, can quietly reduce risk without any drama attached to it.

A seated option can be very transformative for an older adult who’s struggling with managing to have a shower. For many people, the most important thing to consider when selecting a shower chair or stool is how it will feel when they’re sitting on it in the shower. In the end, it is a matter of finding a good bathroom stool that will make a big difference to an older adult who’s been avoiding having a shower because of fatigue. In fact, they might find they enjoy having a seated option so much that they’re looking forward to having a shower. Many people find that they really enjoy sitting in the shower with the water pouring down on them.

A quick comparison: common seating options

Option	Best for	Things to consider
Shower stool	Those who can still transfer independently	Lightweight, easy to move, no installation needed
Fold-down shower seat	Small bathrooms, shared use	Requires wall mounting, more permanent solution
Transfer bench	Those with limited mobility or balance issues	Extends outside the shower, very stable
Shower wheelchair	People who cannot bear weight	Needs wider shower access, full caregiver support

Don’t match a solution with a problem, match a solution with a person.

The things families almost always miss

Temperature: Many people, as they get older, find it difficult to tell the difference between water that is too hot and water that is too cold. Often they cannot feel the pain of a scald because of the decreased sensitivity of their aged skin. A thermostatic mixer tap is the best option, but in the short term a large sticker placed on the dial of the existing temperature control can have the water delivered at a safe temperature.

(Also check the water pressure in your home. A powerful showerhead could easily knock an older person with balance problems off their feet when getting in and out of the shower).

Time pressure: The feeling of being hurried and not having enough time to complete your personal care in safety. The fear of being a bother to family members and having to wait for them to finish using the bathroom. Sometimes there is even pressure from within to complete personal care as quickly as possible. This can result in a number of risks including grabbing for towel rails that are not designed to hold a person’s weight, not drying feet properly and not cleaning between toes. Give your older family member all the time that they need to complete their personal care in safety.

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When modifications aren’t quite enough

However, there are times when all modifications have been put in place to aid in the safety of an older adult in the shower and there still remain some concerns. The issues can be related to balance or cognitive function and it may be that the older adult is not safe to use the shower alone. In these cases, it may be of assistance to have a home care aide come to the home of the older adult on a part time basis. Even 2 mornings a week can be of great assistance to the older adult and their family members in giving them peace of mind.

You don’t have to accept your older family member needing total dependence on others for personal care. There are many hours of home care support that can be very useful in assisting your older family member with personal care tasks that they find difficult to manage. It can give both you and your older family member a lot of confidence and peace of mind.

However, all of this is for naught if you haven’t had the right conversations with your older family member. In the end, all the best equipment is worthless if the conversations about it have been dreadful. So, it is worth circling back to the start and remembering that a safer bathroom is nothing compared to a person who feels safe, comfortable and is their normal self in the bathroom.

My grandmother found relief in her chair not defeat after two years of fighting it.

Worth every awkward conversation. Worth every grab bar you ever install.